


Tell Me What I Gotta Do

by KejfeBlintz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21596698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KejfeBlintz/pseuds/KejfeBlintz
Summary: Neither Buck nor Eddie can catch a break. Luckily, they can catch each other.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 204





	1. Losing Shannon

**Author's Note:**

> This is definitely a work in progress, more chapters will be added as inspiration strikes. And also once I've caught up with all the season 3 madness, because seriously...

Eddie took a deep, shuddering breath and pushed open his front door, Shannon’s letter to Christopher clutched tightly in his hand. His breakdown on the beach had left him exhausted and all he wanted to do was hide away from the world until everything stopped hurting. But he couldn’t.  
“Daddy!” Christopher made his way down the hallway, delighted that Eddie was home. Pasting a smile on his face, Eddie put the letter in his pocket and scooped him up into a hug.  
“Hey buddy, where’s Buck?”  
“Right here.”  
Buck had followed Christopher into the hallway and raked an assessing gaze over Eddie, frowning at what he saw. Eddie didn’t meet his eye, instead focused on his son.  
“Shouldn’t you be in bed Chris?”  
“He wouldn’t go until you came home. Took everything I had to get him into pj’s.” Buck replied instead. Christopher clung to Eddie.  
“Well I’m home now bud, come on, it’s bedtime.”  
Buck stepped back to allow them to go down the hall to Christopher’s bedroom, then turned back into the kitchen to finish tidying up. The broken shell of his best friend made Buck’s heart ache and he was determined to do all he could to help Eddie get back on his feet, even if all Eddie let him do was babysit. Buck knew Eddie wasn’t a big talker, preferring to brood in silence rather than share his feelings, so he’d readily agreed to spend an evening with Christopher so that Eddie could have some space to grieve in solitude. Kitchen tidied, Buck grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and settled onto the couch in the living room to wait for Eddie to reappear. 

It wasn’t long before Eddie shuffled into the living room, having put Christopher to bed and changed into comfortable sweats. He was glad that Buck was still there but he was too tired to talk. Instead he slumped down onto the sofa beside Buck and accepted the beer he was offered, drinking half the bottle straight off.   
“Do you want me to go?” Buck asked quietly.  
“No” Eddie replied, still not looking at him.  
“OK.”

Buck switched on the TV to a movie channel, turning the volume down so as not to disturb Christopher and knowing full well that neither of them would be particularly paying it any attention. Eddie drained his beer and put the bottle on the table. He didn’t know what to do with himself, feeling both too big and too small in his skin, disconnected from his body, mind racing with the events of the last few days. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and dragged his hands through his hair. The hand that settled lightly between his shoulder blades wasn’t entirely unexpected or unwelcome. Buck was always the first to reach out to him, to clap him on the back or squeeze his shoulder or drag him close in a one-armed hug. Eddie wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of physical affection outside of his Abuela or Christopher so it took him by surprise at first, especially considering the rocky start he and Buck had had, but he’d soon learned that Buck showered affection on all the team in one way or another and had grown to appreciate all the casual touches. The hand on his back grounded him in the here and now and Eddie leaned into it.  
“What do you need Eddie?” Buck asked quietly.  
“I don’t know.” Eddie whispered.   
They sat in silence, Buck’s hand anchoring Eddie while the movie played on in the background. 

“She asked for a divorce the night before she...the accident.” Eddie muttered some time later. He felt Buck shift on the sofa beside him, getting closer and turning to face him.  
“I thought you guys were doing OK?” Eddie could hear the concern in Buck’s voice but still couldn’t trust himself to look at him. He let out a deep sigh.  
“I thought we were too. She...she told me she was pregnant. She said we were going to have another baby and I was so happy. I was making plans, Buck.”  
Eddie sounded so lost and small that Buck couldn’t resist another moment and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around Eddie and tucking him close against his chest.  
“I am so sorry Eddie, I had no idea.” Buck felt Eddie shrug.  
“Yeah well, turns out she wasn’t.”  
“Oh Eddie…”  
Buck hugged him closer, not trusting his voice enough to speak past the lump in his throat.  
“I’m just so tired.” Eddie sighed against his neck.  
“Well then let’s get you to bed so you can sleep.”   
“It won’t help.” said Eddie quietly, “I haven’t slept since...well.”  
Buck nodded. “Nightmares?”  
“Yeah.”  
Buck leaned back so he could try and catch Eddie’s eye. “Would it help if I stayed?”  
Eddie shrugged again and avoided Buck’s gaze. “It’s OK to say yes Eddie, I won’t think any less of you.”  
He watched Eddie battle whatever thoughts were raging in his head as he tried to make a decision. After a moment, Eddie nodded once. “Please.”  
“OK.” Buck released his hold on his friend and stood, giving Eddie enough space to get to his feet. “You go ahead and get settled, I’ll find the blankets for the sofa then come in and make sure you’re OK.”  
Eddie nodded once again and wearily made his way to the bathroom. Buck had stayed over enough after drunken nights out to know where the spare bedding lived, so he made short work of setting up his bed for the night. He heard Eddie pause to check on Christopher before making his way into his own bedroom so Buck gave him a minute then followed him in. Eddie was sat on the edge of his bed, looking lost.   
“How are you doing over there?” Buck asked, unable to keep the concern out of his voice. Eddie huffed out a sigh in reply. Buck knelt on the floor at Eddie’s feet and took his hands in his own. Eddie closed his eyes.  
“Hey, can you look at me?” Eddie shook his head. “Why not?” Eddie just shook his head again.  
“OK. Can you lay down? You won’t get much sleep sitting there.”  
Eddie squeezed his hands then let go and climbed under the covers, settling down with his back to Buck. Buck squeezed his shoulder.  
“Get some sleep buddy. I’m close by if you need me.” Buck flicked off the bedroom light and made his way back to the sofa, collapsing on it and trying not to get upset at the waves of sadness he could feel rolling off Eddie. He got comfortable on the sofa and slipped into a dreamless sleep.

A shout and a crash jolted Buck awake. He checked his phone, 3am. Another shout launched him to his feet and he was through Eddie’s bedroom door before he had time to register moving. He switched the light on and saw Eddie awake and huddled on the floor by his bed, surrounded by the remains of his bedside lamp. Buck quickly assessed the situation, taking in the broken lamp, Eddie’s pale face and heavy breathing.   
“Nightmare?” he asked softly. Eddie nodded. “Can I come closer?” Again Eddie nodded.   
Buck was by his side in an instant, reaching out and tentatively rested his hand on Eddie’s arm.  
“Daddy?” Christopher was standing in the bedroom doorway looking worried. Buck was immensely grateful that he was shielding Eddie’s body with his own, he didn’t want Christopher to get scared by seeing his dad so broken. He looked over his shoulder at the little boy.  
“Hey buddy, your Daddy had a bad dream but he’s OK. Can you get back in bed and I’ll come and see you in a minute?”  
“OK Bucky.” With one last worried look towards his Dad, Christopher turned and went back into his room. Buck let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding and turned back to Eddie, who had at least stopped shaking.   
“Can you get back into bed? I need to pick up this broken lamp and check on Christopher but then I’ll be right back, promise.”  
Eddie shakily pulled himself back up onto the bed so that Buck could pick up the broken glass from the lamp. Once he was satisfied that nobody would end up with glass in their foot he stepped across the hall to Christopher, who was sat up in bed still looking worried.  
“Is Daddy OK?” Christopher asked as soon as Buck was in his room.   
“He will be. He had a bad dream that scared him, that’s all.”  
“Daddy cuddles me when I have a bad dream. Can I cuddle him?” Christopher asked. Buck reached out and smoothed down Christopher’s hair. “Maybe in the morning buddy, you need to get some sleep before school tomorrow.”  
“Will you cuddle him?”   
“I will if he wants me to bud. Cuddles aren’t as easy when you’re a grown up.”  
“Oh.”   
“Come on, let me tuck you in.” Christopher laid back down in bed and let Buck fuss over him, tucking the blankets in and making sure he was comfortable. “Sleep well little man.”  
Buck turned off the bedside lamp and Christopher was asleep before he got to the bedroom door.  
Buck sighed and shook his head. “One down, one to go.” he said to himself as he made his way back into Eddie’s bedroom. 

Eddie was back in bed, laid on his back with an arm thrown across his face, hiding his expression. Buck settled on the edge of the bed. “How are you doing?”   
“OK. Christopher?” Eddie asked quietly.  
“Asleep.”  
“Good.”  
“Want to talk about it?” asked Buck, already knowing the answer.  
“Nope.”  
“Want to try and sleep again?”   
“Nope.”  
“Mind if I stay in here?”  
There was a slight pause, then “Nope.”  
Buck decided that was the best he could hope for under the circumstances and slid under the comforter beside Eddie. He knew from experience that nightmares were easier to keep at bay when there was someone else close by, and although he and Eddie weren’t overly affectionate with each other Buck hoped that his presence was enough to lull Eddie back to sleep. He settled down and began to doze.

It didn’t take as long as Buck had expected for Eddie to roll over and get more comfortable beside him, his breathing lengthening as he slipped towards sleep. The bedroom light was still on to help keep the nightmares away, and it gave Buck an opportunity to scrutinise Eddie and see truly how exhausted the man was. He had dark circles under both eyes, a worried crease between his eyebrows and a tightness around his mouth that Buck had never noticed before. It had been a hell of a week, Buck thought, as he slipped back to a light sleep beside his hurting friend.

Eddie’s alarm woke them both up abruptly a few hours later. As he scrambled to find his phone to silence it Eddie realised that he had been tucked up against Buck as he slept and felt his face flush.   
“Well this is embarrassing.” Eddie said into the hand he’d hidden his face with. Buck tugged his hand away. “Why? You got some sleep didn’t you?”  
“Yeah.” Eddie finally looked at Buck, quick eye contact before dropping his gaze again. Buck took that as another positive step.  
“Well then, nothing to be embarrassed about.” Buck stretched and winced as his shoulder popped. “Your son wants to give you cuddles and I want coffee so you’ll have to feel uncomfortable some other time.”  
Eddie was saved from replying by Christopher determinedly making his way into the bedroom. “Good morning Daddy.” he said as he reached the bed. Buck slipped out of bed and left them to it.

Once he’d got the coffee pot going and tidied away the blankets from the sofa, Buck called Bobby. There was no way he wanted to leave Eddie alone right now so going into work wasn’t an option for the next few shifts. Bobby, it seems, had been expecting his call and had already taken Buck off the rota for the rest of the week. Eddie had been on bereavement leave since the accident. Buck promised to keep the team updated and had just hung up when Eddie and Christopher appeared for breakfast looking as tired as he felt.   
“Scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast, OK?” asked Buck as he stuck his head in the fridge to find eggs.   
“Buck…” Eddie’s quiet voice made Buck turn, a questioning expression on his face. “You don’t have to do that.” Eddie gestured at the eggs.  
“I want to.” Buck smiled softly at Eddie, who sighed and turned his attention to Christopher.

Breakfast was a subdued affair and soon enough it was time to take Christopher to school. Buck was torn between offering to take him and letting Eddie rest, or letting them go so that Eddie could start getting back to a normal routine. It didn’t help that Christopher was being understandably needy and clingy after Eddie’s nightmare last night. Eddie had just started to look overwhelmed when Buck made a decision.  
“Why don’t I drive us all to school? You can choose the music if you want to, Christopher?”  
Christopher readily agreed.  
“Buck, you don’t have to do that.” Eddie raked his fingers through his hair, making it stick up.   
“You sound like a broken record Eddie, I know I don’t. But I want to. Is that OK?”  
Eddie nodded, not meeting Buck’s eyes.   
“Good. Come on troop, into the car.”

Once at school, Eddie helped Christopher out of the car and Buck met them on the sidewalk. Christopher reached out to Buck for a hug, which Buck readily accepted.   
“Bucky?” Christopher whispered into his ear.  
“Yeah bud?”  
“Will you look after Daddy? He’s sad.”  
Buck squeezed him tighter. “Of course I will, don’t worry. We’ll see you this afternoon, OK?”  
“Don’t have any fun without me.”  
“Promise.” Buck stepped back and let Eddie say his own goodbyes before sliding back into the car and driving them both home.


	2. Family Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie's still grieving. Buck helps.

Buck was lazing around at home on an afternoon off when his phone rang. He glanced at the caller and grinned when he saw Eddie’s name, swiping to answer.  
“Hey buddy, what’s up?”   
“Hey Buck, are you busy?” Eddie sounded strained over the phone.   
“Nope, everything ok?”  
“Can you come over?”   
Buck scanned the room for his sneakers and keys as he replied, “I’m on my way. What’s wrong Eddie?”  
“It’s fine. See you in a few”   
Buck blinked as Eddie hung up, then hurried to grab what he needed and left the house.

After swearing loudly at the LA traffic and breaking a few minor traffic laws Buck arrived at the Diaz house, barely stopping to shut the car door in his haste to get inside. Eddie’s call had definitely worried him and Buck was concerned at what he was about to find. Since Shannon’s death he’d thought Eddie was managing his grief in his own way but now he wasn’t so sure. He knocked impatiently on the door, relieved that it swung open almost immediately to reveal a dishevelled-looking Eddie behind it.   
“Eddie, what’s going on?”  
Eddie stepped back so Buck could enter the house. As soon as the door was shut behind them Eddie let out a sigh and gestured for Buck to follow him in.   
“Sorry for calling, I just can’t…”   
“Can’t what, Eddie?”  
Buck’s concern was increasing. Eddie stopped in the kitchen with his back to Buck, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Buck reached out and rested his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, gently turning him around to face him.   
“Christopher and I had a fight. I yelled, he yelled back, I sent him to his bedroom and now he’s crying and I can’t do a damned thing about it. I’m so mad, Buck.”  
Buck squeezed Eddie’s shoulder. “OK. What do you need me to do?” He could feel the tension radiating from Eddie.  
“I don’t know. I can’t do this. My family were right, I should never have brought Christopher out here…”   
“Hey now, that’s bullshit and you know it. You’re a fantastic father, you’re raising a wonderful son in difficult circumstances. Eddie, your family aren’t right at all.”   
Eddie shook his head, disbelieving. “He told me he wishes his mom was here because she was better than me.”  
Buck stepped forward immediately, gathering Eddie close. “He didn’t mean that Eds, he was mad at you that’s all. Christopher loves you so much.” He felt Eddie’s head shake against his shoulder. “He does, and you know it. Now, what do you need?”  
Eddie sighed against his neck then stepped back out of his arms. “I need to get out of here for a bit, cool off. I don’t know.” He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, making it even more dishevelled than it already was.  
“Alright. Go for a run, go to the gym, do what you gotta do. I’ll stay here with Christopher for as long as you need. What are the rules?”   
“Just, whatever you think. I can’t be a good parent right now.”   
Buck nodded and watched as Eddie disappeared into his bedroom briefly and reappeared with his gym bag. He squeezed Eddie’s arm as he brushed past on his way to the door. “Take as long as you need Eds, I’ll be here when you get home.” Eddie nodded and slipped out. Seconds later, Buck heard the roar of his truck engine as it pulled out of the drive. 

Taking a deep breath, Buck took in the state of the house for the first time since arriving. The kitchen was covered in dirty dishes, toys were strewn around the living room and laundry was overflowing the bin in the laundry room. Eddie wasn’t the neatest person Buck had ever met, but it was unusual to see the house so untidy. Deciding to tackle that issue later, he made his way down the hall and knocked on Christopher’s bedroom door.  
“Hey bud, can I come in?” he asked. He heard a sniffle then a quiet “yes” from inside. Buck pushed open the door to find Christopher curled up on his bed with a tear stained face.  
“How are you doing kid?” he asked quietly, stepping closer to the bed.  
“Daddy’s mad at me.”  
“Yeah I know. You wanna tell me what your fight was about?” Buck took the hand that Christopher reached out to him.  
“He wanted me to pick up my Lego but I was still building a rocket with it.”  
Buck frowned, something so minor wasn’t usually enough to set Eddie off into a temper, especially not with Christopher. Buck sat down on the edge of the bed. “OK. Then what happened?”  
“He yelled at me, then I got mad and yelled. Then he carried me in here and told me that I wasn’t allowed to leave my bedroom.”  
“Uh huh. Did you say anything else to him bud?” Buck kept the judgment out of his voice as he asked. Christopher started to cry again.  
“I said that Mommy was better than him.”  
“Hmm. That wasn’t a very nice thing to say, was it?” Christopher shook his head and cried harder.   
“I didn’t mean it!” Christopher sobbed out.   
“I know you didn’t. But your Dad’s upset that you said it to him.”  
“But he yelled at me. And I was mad that I couldn’t finish my rocket.” Christopher sniffed and wiped at his tears.  
“I know that too. It’s hard to remember to say kind things when you’re mad. What do you think you need to say to Daddy?” Buck ran his hand through Christopher’s curls to take the sting out of his words.  
“Sorry.”  
“Yeah, that’s right. When he comes home you need to tell him that you’re sorry for saying that to him.”  
“Daddy’s gone?” Christopher looked panicked for a moment.  
“Just for a little while, he’ll be back soon. We need to agree on what to do next Chris. I think it would be helpful if you came with me and helped me to pick up your Lego and brought it into your room so you can finish your rocket in here, what do you think?”  
Christopher struggled to sit up so he could see Buck properly. “Daddy said I have to stay here until he says I can leave.”  
“I agree with him, but you still need to pick up your Lego. Daddy will be happy if you can help me do that, but then you have to stay here until dinnertime. We can leave your door open though so we can still talk to each other, is that ok?”  
Christopher nodded and slid off the bed, gripping tightly to Buck’s hand so they could make their way to the living room. Buck helped him sit beside the mess of Lego on the floor.   
“Right, you make a start on picking up all this and putting it in the box while I see what I can do with the kitchen. You have 5 minutes Chris, OK?”  
Chris nodded and started tidying up.

Buck surveyed the kitchen in dismay. Every surface was covered in dishes. Eddie hadn’t said anything about the state of the house, but if he was overwhelmed to the point of snapping at Chris for his mess then it must be out of hand. Buck couldn’t help but help, and he decided that, in the grand scheme of things, helping his friend out with the housework wasn’t overstepping. Besides, he was a regular visitor to the Diaz house, although less so recently. Deciding that loading the dishwasher would be a good place to start Buck got to work. In no time he had the dishwasher running so he returned to the living room to see how Christopher was getting on, pleased to see that the loose bricks were all picked up.  
“Good work Chris, I’ll carry the box if you take your rocket.”  
“Do I really have to go back to my room?” Chris asked quietly.  
Buck crouched down in front of him. “Yeah bud, you do. It’s what your Dad asked you to do and I can’t change that. But you can have your Lego so you can finish your rocket, OK?”  
“OK.”  
Buck got Chris settled back in his room and propped his door open, then brought him a snack and a glass of water.  
“Shout if you need me bud, I’ll be right out here.” He ruffled Chris’s hair and left him to it. 

Buck checked his phone for a message from Eddie but there was nothing. He sent a quick “all ok?” then decided to carry on putting the house right, starting with the laundry. Buck got a reply as he was setting the washer going, “at gym” which he took as a positive and went to tackle the living room. After an hour he went to check on Chris, who was still building things with his Lego.  
“Doing OK in here?” he asked, pleased to see the settled look on Chris’s face.  
“Yes. I made a rocket and a space station.”  
“Good work. What next?”  
“A firetruck for space.”  
“Sounds great. I’ll come back and see it in a bit.”

Three loads of laundry, two rounds of the dishwasher, two full trash bags and a quick sweep around brought the living room, kitchen and laundry room back to normal. Buck’s phone rang as he was putting the broom away. Eddie’s name flashed on the screen.  
“Hey Eds, how are you doing?”  
“Better. How’s Chris?” Eddie sounded tired.  
“He’s OK. Do you feel up to coming home yet?” Buck asked.  
“Yeah.”  
“OK, we’ll see you soon then. It’s all alright Eddie, I promise.”  
Eddie hummed uncertainly then hung up. 

Buck was digging through the fridge to see about making dinner when he heard Eddie’s truck pull up. Christopher heard it too and shouted through “Is Daddy home?”  
“Yeah bud, sounds like it.”  
“Do you think he’s still mad at me?” Chris sounded worried.  
“Everything will be OK kid, don’t worry.”  
Buck met Eddie in the hallway, greeting him with a quiet “Hey.”  
“Hey yourself.” Eddie dropped his gym bag on the floor and toed off his sneakers. “Where’s Chris?”  
“Still in his room.”  
Eddie nodded, then looked lost. “Do you want to go see him?” Buck prompted.  
“I don’t know what to say to him.” Eddie replied in a small voice. Buck felt his heart break and stepped forward, laying his hand on Eddie’s folded arms.  
“He’s worried that you’re still mad at him. He’s desperate to see you. You’ll do just fine.”  
Eddie took a deep breath, nodded and headed towards Christopher’s bedroom. Buck left them to it and returned to the kitchen to continue with dinner.

It wasn’t long before Eddie carried Christopher into the kitchen, both of them with red eyes. Chris was snuggled into his dad, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. Buck smiled in greeting. “It’s chicken pasta for dinner and it’s almost ready.”  
Eddie looked around the tidy kitchen in amazement, “You cleaned. And cooked.”  
Buck blushed and dropped his gaze, “Yeah well, I thought I’d be useful while Chris was building his rocket. Is it alright that I did?”  
“Yeah, yes. It’s great. Thanks.” Eddie blinked and shook his head, turning his attention to Chris.  
“How about we get the table set mijo? Then we can eat.”

Once dinner was eaten and the dishes done, they made their way into the living room. Christopher was clingy and unwilling to let go of Eddie, so Buck suggested a movie before Christopher’s bedtime. They settled on the couch with Shrek playing in the background, loud enough for Christopher to hear but quiet enough for Buck and Eddie to ignore. Buck stretched his arm along the back of the sofa behind Christopher so that he could brush his fingers against Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie glanced at him with an eyebrow raised questioningly. “OK?” Buck mouthed to him. Eddie nodded and reached up to squeeze Buck’s fingers gently, then dropped his hand back down to Chris’s curls.

Eddie put an unwilling Chris to bed with a little effort, then returned to the living room where Buck had switched the TV over to a science documentary of some kind. He dropped back down onto the sofa beside Buck, close enough to rest their thighs together, and rested his head back to gaze at the ceiling with a sigh. Buck nudged their shoulders together.   
“Wanna tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?” he asked quietly, eyes on the TV to give Eddie the allusion of privacy.  
“Sorry to drag you into my drama this morning. I shouldn’t have done that.” Eddie replied. “You don’t have to stay now that Christopher is in bed.”  
Buck was silent for a moment while he processed that. “You’re an idiot sometimes, do you know that?”  
Eddie snorted in an attempt at sounding amused. “Yeah, that’s a popular opinion.”  
“Not what I meant. Eddie, you’re my best friend. Why wouldn’t I help you when you need it? I’ve got your back at work and I’ve got it here too.”   
Eddie sighed deeply but didn’t reply.  
“You don’t have to try and do everything by yourself. You’ve got your Abuela, Pepa, the rest of the 118, and me. We’ll all help Eds, you just need to let us.” Buck had turned in his seat so that his back was pressed against the arm of the sofa, knee digging into Eddie’s thigh as he tucked his leg underneath himself. Buck reached out to squeeze Eddie’s shoulder affectionately. He could see Eddie fighting back tears and wanted to comfort him, but wasn’t sure how much Eddie would allow. Since they’d shared a bed after Eddie’s nightmare a few weeks previously casual touches and affection between them had become more frequent, but Buck was still keen not to make Eddie uncomfortable, especially while he was still feeling vulnerable. Eddie took the decision out of his hands though, slumping down against Buck’s chest and hiding his face in the crook of his neck. Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie and hugged him close, murmuring reassurances into his hair and letting him cry it out. 

Silent sobs turned into quiet sniffles as Buck rocked Eddie gently, running light fingers down his back. “You back with me?” he asked softly. Eddie nodded against his neck. “You gonna come out of there?” Eddie shook his head but released the tight grip he had on Buck’s shirt. “Why not?”   
“Embarrassed.” came the murmured response. Buck hugged him tighter and huffed a laugh against Eddie’s hair.   
“Nothing to be embarrassed about buddy, you’ve seen me cry at commercials.” Eddie nosed at his neck “Did you just wipe your nose on me?”  
“Yep.”  
“Well, this shirt was a write-off anyway.” They sat quietly for a few more minutes, enjoying the closeness. “Do you want to talk about it?” Buck asked.  
“Not really.”  
“OK. Are you ready to move yet?”  
“Not really.”  
Buck held him closer for a moment. “You can stay close but I really need to move my leg, there’s a firefighter sat on it and it’s gone numb.”  
Eddie grumbled a complaint but let Buck move them around so that he could straighten his leg, ending up cradled in the V of Buck’s legs. It was a far more intimate position than they’d found themselves in before but neither of them minded, personal space wasn’t a concern in their friendship. “You can stay here for as long as you need Eds, I have nowhere else to be.”  
With the TV softly playing in the background and the security of his best friend wrapped around him, Eddie drifted off to sleep.


	3. Pinned Under a Municipal Vehicle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck's been out of the hospital for less than a week. He hasn't been entirely honest about how well he's managing.

Buck was roused from a nap by a knock at his door. “Yeah, hold on” he shouted as he tried to untangle himself from a blanket and find his crutches.  
“It’s just me Buck, don’t rush.” Eddie’s voice was muffled through the door. Buck made his way slowly and unlocked the door, but then struggled to juggle crutches and the doorknob while keeping his balance.  
“Hey it’s open, let yourself in.”   
Eddie eased the door open so as not to hit Buck with it, reaching out immediately to steady his friend. “Easy there, you almost went over.”  
Buck huffed in irritation. “I can’t get the hang of these things, no idea how Chris makes it look so easy.”  
“He’s had more practice. Come on, let’s get you back to the sofa before you injure yourself any further.”  
Once Buck was settled back down, Eddie could take in his dishevelled appearance. “How are you Buck? Pain ok?”  
Buck shrugged. “It’s manageable I guess. Can’t really get comfortable anywhere and this cast is itchy, but I’m ok.”   
“Ali still coming over every day to help out?” Eddie knew that Ali had taken time off work once Buck was released from the hospital so that he’d have help with everyday tasks, but judging from the take out boxes on the coffee table it didn’t look like she’d been around for a few days.  
“No, ah, I broke it off with her a few days ago.” Buck looked sheepish and dragged his hand through his hair.   
“Things not work out?”   
“She isn’t what I need right now.”  
Eddie decided not to pry. “How are you managing then?” he asked instead. “Has Maddie been coming over?”  
Buck shrugged. “When she can. She’s got work and stuff. I don’t want to bother her too much.”  
“Does she know you and Ali broke up?”  
“No?” Buck tried to make himself smaller but he couldn’t escape the Dad-look Eddie threw at him.  
“Dios Buck, so you’ve just been struggling by yourself? You didn’t think to mention it at any of the dozen times I’ve called you since you got home?” Eddie didn’t even try to hide his exasperation.   
“You’ve been working doubles and you have Christopher. I didn’t want to worry you. I’m ok Eddie, promise.”  
“You’re an idiot Evan Buckley.” Buck shrunk away from his friend’s disapproval.   
Eddie looked around Buck’s apartment then came to a decision.   
“You’re moving in with us until the cast comes off, that way I can keep an eye on you and help when you need it.”  
“Eds, no, I can manage! The couch is comfortable and I can get to the door for takeout so I won’t starve. You have enough with Christopher, you don’t need me getting in the way.”  
Eddie fixed Buck with a stern look. “You won’t be in the way. Sleeping on your couch and eating takeout won’t help you heal. Don’t be ridiculous Buck.”  
Buck opened his mouth to argue but then stopped himself. The last few days had been really hard and the thought of having Eddie help him out wasn’t as uncomfortable as it might be. He looked at the mulish set of Eddie’s jaw and realised that he wouldn’t win any argument against him anyway. Buck sighed. “OK. Thank you. You’re gonna need to pack my bag though, everything’s upstairs.”

It took Eddie less than half an hour to pack a bag with clothes and toiletries, round up Buck’s laptop, phone and chargers and clear out all the trash from the living room and kitchen. Buck sat on the sofa, fiddling with his crutches and feeling helpless.   
“Ready to go?” Eddie asked him quietly, holding out a hand to help Buck struggle to his feet.  
“Yeah I guess. Sorry.”   
Eddie held out Buck’s crutches and hovered close until Buck was balanced. “What are you sorry for?” he asked.  
“Making you do this I guess.” Buck intently studied his shoes. Eddie squeezed his shoulder.  
“You’re not making me do anything carino, I offered. Now let’s go home.”

Buck was exhausted by the time he hobbled into Eddie’s hallway, the process of getting in and out of the truck and the pain that shot up his leg with every bump in the road was more tiring than he’d realised. Eddie followed him into the house with his bag, resting his hand lightly on the nape of Buck’s neck as he noticed Buck’s exhaustion.  
“Why don’t you go and stretch out on my bed for a few?” he asked quietly.   
“I’ll be fine on the couch.” Buck tried for nonchalance but missed, his tone giving away the pain he felt. Eddie didn’t buy it.  
“Nope, bed. I’ll dig out some pain pills for you and be there in a minute.” Buck sighed and began the short trek to Eddie’s bedroom. He’d just managed to ease himself down on the edge of the mattress when Eddie appeared with medication and a glass of water. Buck took the offered pills wordlessly.  
“Do you need help getting settled bud?”  
Buck nodded in defeat and allowed Eddie to take his crutches from him. With a bit of shuffling and a supportive hand on his shoulder and cast, Buck was soon sinking blissfully into the mound of pillows behind his head.   
“Get some sleep Buck, I’ll come and check on you later.”  
Buck was asleep before Eddie left the room.

A familiar tap tap tap woke Buck fully from the doze he’d been drifting in for the last little while.   
“Are you awake yet?” asked Christopher, making his way over to the bed. Buck opened his eyes and smiled softly at him.  
“Yeah bud, I am. How was school?”  
“OK. Daddy says you’re staying here for a while.”  
Buck reached out to ruffle Christopher’s curls. “Yeah. Is that OK?”  
“Yeah.”  
Eddie suddenly appeared in the doorway. “Chris, I told you not to disturb Buck while he was sleeping,” he scolded.  
“S’ok Eds, I was awake.” Buck said around a yawn.   
“Feeling any better?” Eddie asked, still skeptical about Christopher disturbing Buck.  
“Yeah.”  
“Good. Dinner’s almost ready, feel up to moving to the couch?” At Buck’s nod, Eddie came over to help him sit up. “Chris, go wash your hands ready for dinner please, like you were supposed to be doing.”   
“OK Daddy.”  
Once Chris was out of the way, Eddie handed Buck his crutches and helped him to stand. Buck startled him by tipping forward to press his forehead to his shoulder. “You OK there?” Eddie asked in alarm.  
“Room’s spinning. Give me a minute.” Buck breathed into his shoulder. Buck was grateful for the steadying hands on his arms, thumbs gently stroking through the fabric of his henley. A moment later he felt more stable and risked lifting his head a little. The room stayed still. Buck let out a breath and shot a half smile at a worried Eddie. “Phew, felt like I’d had one too many shots for a minute there. Did the earth move for you?”  
Eddie snorted in amusement. “Come on funny guy, let’s get you to the couch before you go into orbit.”  
Buck inexpertly navigated his crutches through to the living room, Eddie hovering half a step behind him all the way, and eased himself down onto the couch. The coffee table had been moved out of the way so he could easily maneuver his cast around without hitting any furniture. Eddie produced a small stool and a cushion from somewhere and helped Buck to rest his leg on it. Buck blew out a sigh when he was settled. “That’s way more difficult than it has any right to be.”  
“You’re not very good at crutches Bucky.” Christopher was unimpressed.  
“Yeah well I haven’t had much practice yet. I’ll never be as good as you though.” Buck grinned at Christopher, who grinned back.  
“Alright then, Chris come and sit at the table please. Buck, don’t you dare spill risotto on my couch.” Eddie handed a bowl of risotto and a spoon to a protesting Buck then herded Christopher to the table.

Buck made it through dinner and an episode of some wildlife documentary before starting to doze off again. He startled himself awake and glanced over to where Eddie was gazing fondly at him. “Think it’s time all good boys went to bed.”  
Buck tried to stretch his back without jostling his leg. “Yeah well I’m not a good boy. And you’re sitting on my bed.” he retorted.   
Eddie rolled his eyes. “We had an entire conversation this morning about you sleeping on couches. You’re sleeping in my bed Buck, no arguing.”  
“I can’t put you out of your own bed Eddie.” Buck glared at him “besides, I’ve slept on your couch loads of times, it’s comfortable.”  
“See that, right there, was arguing. Just ask Christopher how pointless arguing is in this household.”  
Chris looked away from the TV to share a look with Buck “Daddy always wins.” he said, before returning to watch a pack of lions bring down a gazelle. Eddie raised an eyebrow at Buck, who sighed and dropped his gaze.  
“Fine, but you don’t get to bitch about your back in the morning.”  
“I thought you said my couch was comfortable?” Eddie teased him.   
“Yeah whatever Diaz, help me up.”  
Eddie hauled him to his feet and handed him his crutches. “Do you feel up to a shower before you crash out?”  
“Saying I stink?” Buck huffed out as they made their way across the room.  
“Yes.”  
“Nice Eds, real nice.” Buck rolled his eyes and headed for the bathroom rather than Eddie’s bedroom. “How do we stop the cast from getting wet?”  
“I’ll tape a trash bag over it. Shower’s adapted for Chris anyway so you can sit on the seat and use the shower head in your hand.”  
Getting Buck organised for a shower was more of a performance than he was expecting. Thankfully he could manage to get undressed and into the stall without help, and he was soon feeling much cleaner. Buck was congratulating himself on being able to do one thing for himself when he realised that putting shorts on was more complicated than taking them off had been. He tried to balance on his good leg and haul them up but they kept getting tangled on his cast and he kept losing balance. Buck sighed, there was only one thing for it.   
“Hey Eddie?” he called, resignation clear in his tone.  
“Yeah bud?” Eddie replied from just outside the door.  
“I’m going to need a hand in here.”  
Eddie pushed the door open to see a dejected looking Buck sat on the stool in the shower, t-shirt on, towel draped in his lap and a pair of shorts in his hand. Eddie immediately saw the problem.  
“I’m sorry to ask…” Buck started to say. Eddie stopped him with a wave of his hand.   
“Not a problem. How do you want to do this?”  
“They get stuck on the cast and I can’t balance on one leg for long enough to get them on.” Buck’s ears were red with mortification.  
“OK, put your feet in and I’ll get them up and over the cast, then you can stand and do the rest yourself.”  
Buck nodded. Between them they finished getting Buck dressed with the minimum of embarrassment for either of them, then got Buck settled back into bed.   
“It’s too early for you to have more painkillers yet. I’ll wake you when it’s time OK?”  
The exertion of showering had wiped Buck out and he barely nodded before falling asleep. Eddie couldn’t resist stroking his fingers briefly through his hair before shutting off the light and going to get Christopher ready for bed.

Buck woke up when the bed dipped by his hip. He blinked at the soft light from the bedside lamp and focussed on Eddie who was holding pain pills and water.   
“Take these then you can go back to sleep.” Eddie murmured. Buck dragged himself upright enough to drink without choking, then sank back down and closed his eyes. He could hear Eddie moving around the room, the quiet rustling of him changing into pyjamas and the light going out, then was surprised when the bed dipped again as Eddie slid in behind him. Buck made a questioning noise as Eddie settled into a comfortable position, close enough for Buck to feel the warmth of his body.  
“I watched you get blown up and pinned by a fire truck. I couldn’t get to you because there was a crazy guy with a suicide vest standing between us. I need to be close to you so that I remember that we got you out.” Eddie sounded broken in the quiet darkness that surrounded them. Buck reached out blindly and found Eddie’s hand, tangling their fingers together and squeezing tight. He fell asleep with Eddie’s breath warming the side of his neck, his body a reassuring weight beside him and fingers held tightly in a promise not to let go.


End file.
